dumb to even think that finding my soul-mate guru would be this easy
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a167/sarahyael/screen-capture.png
help me find my yogi master!
celebrity makeup artist? THAT’S THE BEST YOU CAN DO GOOGLE? i’m in an existential crisis here. i suppose it’s only right that technology would fail in this regard.
anthony decided he’s going to go back home for the rest of the summer; we’re leaving thursday night.
i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t holding a glimmer of hope that he’ll change his mind but if i had the choice to leave, i would too. he’s using the excuse that he can’t get a job here, especially for the 1.5 months remaining that we’ll be in town. this may be true but i know it’s a good reason to get up and go. i’m outwardly upset about it; i’m not whining or anything like that but i’m in a dismal mood. he asks “what’s wrong? why are you closing up?” as if he doesn’t already know what’s bothering me. he knows i won’t talk about it and as long as he plays dumb he can act like he didn’t know leaving me behind would be detrimental to my well-being.
i realize the selfishness apparent in all of this. he came initially because i pressured him but truth be told, i’d do the same for him. and it’s not like he’s actually going to get a job when he gets home either. if he had tried hard enough he’d be able to find one here. but he never tries when it comes to a job and i understand to a degree though he’s 23 years old and this stuff isn’t cute anymore.
thing is, until august, i’ll have no one. my mom is trying to work out a weekend to come up and visit me (and i miss her terribly) but besides that i’m alone. i’ll got to work everyday and come home and won’t have contact with a single person. no embrace, no face to face looks of sympathy. not a person to invite me for coffee or to ask me with a face of understanding “how are you actually doing?”. and maybe that’s a good thing because chances are i’d break down right there and then at the joy of being asked and the forced opportunity of confronting my complete and personal sadness.
but he’s miserable, even with my presence. and i suppose for the sake of the universe’s well-being that only one of use should carry misery. i wonder though, where will this leave us if he so readily chooses to leave me?
i’m in chicago right now, until the beginning of august actually, and i hate it. chicago’s a typical large city that makes me feel like if i’m not doing <i>something</i> then i’m not worth anything. i’m staying in this cute apartment that i’ve subleased from an art professor at the art institute of chicago. i think the location is pretty decent by most reactions; i’m sort of located somewhere between logan square, bucktown, and wicker park on the bizarrely named street, west shakespeare avenue. the street name itself isn’t uncommon but the surrounding streets are usually themed in one way or another– there’s a slew of parallel streets named for presidents, there’s western and central and northern avenues. there’s a few streets related to california in one way or another. but i’m on west shakespeare which apparently extends quite far but you can’t get from one section of it to another. it dead ends over and over only to pick back up again a few blocks down. this caused me a lot of problems when i first arrived because as everyone told me that the midwest is easy to get around because the streets are mapped as grids i thought, “no problem”. wrong.
west shakespeare is a one way street. luckily my little section of the street is flanked on both sides by roads but other parts aren’t. i once thought i could get back to my apartment because i stumbled across w. shakespeare while aimlessly looking for a target. as i gave up on that plight, i just decided to go home when i saw MY street sign. i was dismayed when, after driving carefully down the street which had cars parked on both sides with just enough room for a standard car to squeeze through, i hit a dead end. as in that awkward 4 yard metal barricade that should only belong on the side of highways. and i had to back up, all the way to the initial street i was on trying desperately to not hit any cars in the process or become too embarressed by the resident know-it-alls who i noticed laughing as i initially drove down the street.
i’ll explain further as time goes by why i don’t like this city but i’m almost sure it has everything to do with the fact that it’s nothing like home. atlanta is a funny place. it makes no apologies for completely failing to become what it could be. atlanta is probably one of the only southeast cities that has the potential of becoming as important as the world renowned northeastern cities. but she refuses. and this is why i love her. we refuse to upgrade or even really fund our public transit system (which i should cite as a fault, to be honest). there are two lines: north-south and east-west. that’s it. urban planning is non-existent. no street leads you where you think it will and most tragically, “real” people don’t live in the city. you got to atlanta to work, you go back out to the suburbs to live. only three types of people live in atlanta: yuppies and gays in midtown, college students in mid/downtown, and poor people.
but there’s even got to be a caveat with this description because no one, and i mean no one, lives downtown. there are some overpriced restaurants there along with the cnn center and philips arena but there’s nothing to entice someone to actually live there. no quickmarts and produce shops, not drugs stores within walking distance, no decent cheap delivery. downtown is dead unless it’s 7:30-8:30am when people pile into work or whenever there’s an coldplay concert. otherwise you got to watch out for rats or panhandlers. but it’s home and i miss her.
